The Best Blonde Joke

Don't peak at the picture until you have read the following: A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a Seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one." She said that she did not know the part by any other name, but this piece had always been there. The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car, which had its hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."

I hope this isn't from personal expierence Pippi!! If it is I just lost all repect I had for you!!! :lol: :D Everybody else was just scared to ask!!! Not me I'll like the beating from you!! You I say, not Twisty!!! :lol:

hhhmmmm... yeah!!! :bonk: :loser:

Too funny. Good one Pipster.

This sounds like the blonde I ran into at the grocery Why did the Blonde stare at a can of frozen orange juice? - Because it said concentrate.

:lol: Why can I see some of my friends doing that? :bonk:

I dont get it. :withstupi :bonk: LOL

LOL How many times does this really happen? LOL

my wife loves blond jokes thanks for some more ammo!! lol !!!

omfg....the scary thing is...I know people who would actually do or say something like that :screwy:

OMG. That's bad. That's funny but bad. Yes everyone, we have people like this all around us on a daily basis!!!

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender for some drinks: Brunette: “I’ll have a B and C.” Bartender: “What is a B and C?” Brunette: “Bourbon and Coke.” Redhead: “And, I’ll have a G and T.” Bartender: “What’s a G and T?” Redhead: “Gin and tonic.” Blonde: “I’ll have a 15.” Bartender: “What’s a 15? Blonde: “7 and 7”

A blonde goes for a job interview and the interviewer starts with the basics. “Miss, would you please tell me your age?” The blonde hesitates then starts to count carefully on her fingers for half a minute before finally saying. “I’m...ahh...22.” The interviewer asks, “And how tall are you, please?” The young lady stands up, pulls a measuring tape from her handbag, steps on one end and brings the other end to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, “I’m five foot two.” This isn’t looking too good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something she won’t have to count, measure, or lookup. “Just to confirm for our records, what is your name please?” The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself. finally, she says, “My name is Jenny.” The interviewer is perplexed, but finally he asks, “What were you doing when I asked you your name?” “I was just running through that song.” “What song?” “You know, ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...’”

Two casino dealers are waiting idly at the craps table when a beautiful blonde comes in and asks if she could bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. “And,” she adds, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m naked.” With that she takes off everything but her necklace, rolls the dice, then starts yelling, “Mama needs new clothes.” When the dice stop she screams, “Yes, yes, yes! I won, I won, I won!” and she jumps up and down and, while still nude, she hugs and kisses both of the dealers passionately. Then she picks up the money, gathers all of her clothes and leaves. The dealers can only stare at her very nude and well rounded shapely behind as it vanishes into the casino crowd, then one of the dealers ask, “What did she roll, anyway?" The other answers, “I don’t know. I thought you were watching.”

I love blonde jokes!!! :rofl: :rofl:

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmmm, this person looks familiar.” The second blonde says, “Here, let me see!” So the first blonde hands her the compact. She looks in the mirror and says, “You idiot, it’s me!”

Did you hear about the two blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? - They went to see “Closed for the Winter.”

Great stuff bee!! :cheers:

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. “I’ve kidnapped you!,” said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde.” The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show his parents. The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, “Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.” A friend says, “O.K., what’s the capital of Wisconsin?” The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy, W.”

The Same over here...If Y'all don't keep these threads up near the top so I don't have to hunt for them, I'll stop posting these While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing no one around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the light to change. A blonde standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming. "Tennis ball," came the reply from the man. "Oh," said the blonde, sympathetically, "That must be painful. I had tennis elbow once."

Good ones Bee. :dthumb:

The Same over here...If Y'all don't keep these threads up near the top so I don't have to hunt for them, I'll stop posting these You can' stop posting them. I look forward to them everyday. :dthumb:

as long as you post in it every day, and we respond, it'll stay near the top.. keep em comin !

The Same over here...If Y'all don't keep these threads up near the top so I don't have to hunt for them, I'll stop posting these While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing no one around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the light to change. A blonde standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming. "Tennis ball," came the reply from the man. "Oh," said the blonde, sympathetically, "That must be painful. I had tennis elbow once." LMAO!!!! :bonk: :bonk: :bonk:

Ya know Bee, I used to hate blonde jokes because everytime I heard one it was really foul. Thank you for putting up some I can actually enjoy! :hug:

The police department, famous for its superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken aback by a recent incident. Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, "I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a blind policeman!"

Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came to an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large burlap sacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage. About an hour later, the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there, the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three burlap sacks." The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow," so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it. Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow," so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, "Potatoes."

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench one evening, looking at the moon and talking. One blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther ........ Florida or the moon"? The other blonde rolls her eyes, turns and says, "Helloooooooooooooooooooo, Can you see Florida from here?"

See, you can do it...now how about There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The DJ was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a cornfield in a boat, rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

Alright, one more Blonde joke and then back to the other thread A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says, "Open wide." "I can't," replies the blonde, "this chair's got arms."

Did you hear about the blonde who was snorting Nutrasweet? She thought it was diet coke.

A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath. He said, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol." She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car. After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones." She turned red, and replied, "You mean it shows that, too?"

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911: Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb. Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes. Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course. Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes. Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine. Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, "I won a motor home! I won a motor home!" The waitress runs over and argues, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!" The blonde replies, "No. I won a motor home!" By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as one of our prizes." Again the blonde says, "There is no mistake! I won a motor home!" The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL."

OK...Last one for Sunday...I have to get ready...GasMan's Voodoo Doll is sending the cold here tomorrow A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar. The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal." "That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car." "Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car." The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice. About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?" "No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."

Good ones once again Bee. Keep them coming for us. :dthumb:

my complements to the jokester!!!!!!! lmao!!!!

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp. After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said, "I wish I were smarter." So, she became a redhead. The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is." She became a brunette. The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!" So, she became a man.

There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked. The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed. "You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph. Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice. She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked. She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?" The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."

A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head. "I need to take that walkman off your head," says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde. "You can't! I'll die!" retorts the blonde. "I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!" says the beauty specialist getting annoyed. "I said you can't take it off, or I'll die!" The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating "breath in, breath out, breath in".

A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening. "I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."

Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue: Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!

Ok, Last one for today...Hey GasMan, Your Voodoo doll hit me with 24 degrees at 6:00 am ... but It was 60 this afternoon and I got to ride from 2:30 to 4:30!!! A dumb blonde is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, she happened to see another blonde on the opposite river bank. She tried calling to her. "How can I get to the other side of the river?" she shouts loudly. The other blonde replied "What for? You are already on the other side of the river!"

Hey, CJD is blonde, she resembles that..err, I mean, resents that joke!!! :leaving:

Hey, CJD is blonde, she resembles that..err, I mean, resents that joke!!! :leaving: I am an equal opportunity insulter

I am an equal opportunity insulter She's gonna kill me and you now.. :lol:

A dumb blonde is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, she happened to see another blonde on the opposite river bank. She tried calling to her. "How can I get to the other side of the river?" she shouts loudly. The other blonde replied "What for? You are already on the other side of the river!" :rofl: That was freaking hilarious.. OK TRUE STORY.... This is seriously no joke!!!! A friend of mine was telling me a few years back that he was dating this chick. A Blonde. They were cruising around town and she starting rubbing at her ear. She said "I have this funny buzzzzing like feeling in my ear" He said to her " Oh your ear is ringing" Her reply "Can you hear it?" :rofl: :screwy:

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried. After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem. Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.

Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice? Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up? Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient? Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates? Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls? Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker? Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

A blonde was telling her priest a Pollock joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?" "Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "do you want me to start over and talk slower?"

A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to pull the plug. Hey It's 65 degrees and I don't have time to spend amusing eskimos while the Bee is warmed up and ready...Later :thumbs:

she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to pull the plug. Hey It's 65 degrees and I don't have time to spend amusing eskimos while the Bee is warmed up and ready...Later :thumbs: :rofl: I was NOT expecting that ending. Hey it's actually pretty nice up here in Pa....currently 55 degrees. Feels nice!!

I can't put this tiger jigsaw puzzle together," a frustrated blonde tells her man. "Honey," the boyfriend says, "please put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

There were two blondes walking in the woods. As they were walking one of them noticed some tracks on the ground. One stops the other one and says "Look deer tracks." The other goes "Those are not deer tracks those are bear tracks." So they fight about what they are and are not, and the next day the paper head lines read "Two Blondes Killed By Train".

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa. "Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer? "Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Doesn't this BEE guy have his own joke thread for this stuff????? :D

Doesn't this BEE guy have his own joke thread for this stuff????? :D Don't you have something better to do tonight than hassle me...Like shovel your drive way and walks?? :eek:

Too funny!! Allow me to tell you, you're #1...but with one hand... :D :lol:

the blonde was so stupid she sold her bike for gas money

Where is this blonde at, if she's that easy to take advantage of, I wanna meet her! :wink:

Two blondes were waiting at the Pearly Gates and struck up a conversation. First blonde says "How did you die?" Second says "I froze to death". First blonde says "Must have been awful." Second blonde says "How did you die?" First blonde says "I had a heart attack, I knew my husband was being unfaithful so I came home unexpectedly one day and rushed to the bedroom and found my husband alone reading. I rushed to the basement and nobody was hiding there, I rushed to the attic and still no one, and after all that rushing around I had a heart attack and died." Second blonde says, "If only you'd looked in the freezer we'd Both be alive.

Blonde and her brunette friend are walking down the street and pass a flower shop, where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again...for no reason." The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?" The brunette says, "Oh, sure...but he always has expectations after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine! She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?" The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

There's a blonde and a brunette in a elevator. And a man walks in with really bad dandruff,so the brunette says "Someone should give him head and shoulders" and the blonde replys "I know how to give head but how do you give shoulders?"