Guideon72
05-18-2005, 07:33 PM
How to be cool on a bike
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Sure, anyone can ride a bike. Not many can look really cool doing it. So here’s how to be the coolest rider in your neighborhood.
Gear
Gear is important. While all those other old dorky riders are wearing helmets and stuff, show your dashing good looks and awesome musculature. This means a tank top, shorts, no helmet, and if you can pull off the look – flip flops! Girls will be drooling as you ride that wheelie down the middle of a crowded street. Sure to get a date! Only wear something over your eyes if it happens to be a pair of really cool sunglasses!
Bike
The bigger, the better. You don’t want to be known as the guy who started out on a little bike. You want to have everyone know that all you’ve ever ridden are race ready bikes, preferably in the liter variety.
Hey, all those turn signals and stuff are pretty lame. Look at race bikes, they don’t have mirrors or lights or anything like that. Do you want to look like a chump road rider, or a racer? The racer look is the utmost in cool. Get rid of the mirrors, tail lights, turn signals and anything else that you wouldn’t see on a race bike. While you’re at it, get rid of the goofy tires and slap some racing slicks on that bad boy. Represent!
Polish
Get that bike nice and shiny! Cleaning and waxing isn’t enough, you gotta make that thing gleam! Liberal amounts of armor-all on the seat, grips, and tires will make your bike stick out in the company of a bunch of bikes with dull tires and old robo-riders.
Exhaust
Get the loudest exhaust you can find. Systems labeled “Not for street usage” means that it’s probably a good pipe for riding around! Be heard before you even get on the scene. Get those hotties out there to watch you do your awesome tricks!
Riding
Cool riders don’t wait for cagers. That space between the vehicles is perfect for a bike. Let those slow cagers know they’re holding you back, get right on their bumpers and aim your lights right at their rearview. Bonus! It’s less windy the closer you get! And remember, stop signs and stoplights are for losers!
Crowded areas are also the best place to pull stunts. More people who can watch you in utter awe. Don’t worry about the cops, they can’t catch you anyway. A real rider doesn’t worry about cops.
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Wow. I guess I'm going to have to relegate myself to being uncool yet again :p