Ok, so some of these could just as easily be uttered by men, but since the title says "women" I'll post it in the girl's corner.
(#1 quite literally had me choking with laughter.... )
Things Stressed Women Say at Work
1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unf**k you.
2. You say I'm a b*tch like it's a bad thing.
3. Well this day was a total waste of make up
4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?
5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a people person?
7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and
senseless acts of self-control?
11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
15. Stress is what you have when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.
16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
17. Don't worry, I forgot your name too.
18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
21. Chaos, panic and disorder...my work here is done.
22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
23. You look like sh*t. Is that the style now?
24. Earth is full. Go home.
25. Aw, did I step on your poor itty bitty little ego?
26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
29 If a**holes could fly, this place would be an airport!
30. Look in my eyes...do you see one ounce of gives-a-sh*t?
31. I've had a bad day, DLIT. Take me out for drinks and shag the hell out of me. Then go home, no strings attatched.