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post #1 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-02-2006, 06:20 PM Thread Starter
 
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eHarmony = eJoke = eSingle

I know this is the ladies area where we need to discuss ladies motorcycle topics, but I since hair spray, tampons and the such have been discussed, I thought I'd throw this out there and get some opinions.

Ok ladies, I know we've all been there. Just out of a relationship (ok so 8 months isn't recent) no dates lined up, and the dates that you do have lined up you know are going to be just as bad as the last few. Now, I'm not big on Internet dating. Hell, I've never done it before period. There are to many weirdos out there. You never know if you're talking to the person in the picture or a 12 yr old boy?!! And well, since I live in an area where there isn't much night life (ok there's NO night life) I went the safe route, or so I thought, and joined this eHarmony thing.

First off, it costs an arm and a leg! For a few months membership it'll run you $80+!! You fill out this profile that takes at least an hour and they match you up with the people that you have most in common with. They also ask you certain questions like, "What will you not tolerate in a relationship?" and they give you choices to chose from like, drugs, drinking etc etc.. Well one of them is children. Now I know it sounds strange to other women that this one woman, aka me, will not date someone with kids. I have my reasons for not wanting them nor wanted to date someone with kids.

This is what makes me mad. ALL of the people this site has introduced me to HAVE KIDS! WTH?! I made it perfectly clear that I will not date someone with children. Also, I made it clear that I will not give up my bike for anything or any one. Period. The people that I have talked to told me that the first thing I would have to do is get rid of my bike!! UM NO!! lol

I'm at a loss! I don't know what to do any more. I think that I'm ready to give myself to someone full time, but this is the crap that I'm running into. The dates I have been on turned out to be a total joke. When I make it perfectly clear that I do not kiss, and I don't mean just on the first date, I mean ever, these guys go out of there way to try anyway! lol Not only that but most of them have lied about their marital status. They say they're single and once I'm out on a date with them, they reveal that they're married!! Then they say the typical "Well, it's been over for years." And ask if I have a problem with it?! Well, DUH!! YES!! Of course I would! what a bunch of dopes!!

UGH! Really, I think I'm going to give up. The people I'm meeting are either married, liars, or trying to get in my pants, which is NOT going to happen. No matter how long it's been I will not put out. What is it that I'm doing wrong? Am I asking to much or what? Some one that loves bikes, has one of their own and not married and no kids.. lol I really don;t think that's to much to ask for...
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post #2 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 06:53 AM
 
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Alright Jappy...I'm no lady but I'm gonna throw my in...

this site sounds whack. The first thing that comes to my mind is someone gets ahold of you...you say I have a bike...they say..."bike must go". ???? How does anyone think they can tell someone else that they can't ride or whatever?

I guess it's different for people who ride? I would love if my girl rode.



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post #3 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 07:39 AM
 
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don't give up yet, jappy. there is someone out there for everyone, yadda yadda yadda and all the other cliches. but seriously...you may hafta relax your standards a bit, and i don't mean give up the bike. you and i are relatively the same age, and chances are that men in their 30s have already been married at least once and may have children. that will probably be something you encounter more often than not. have you thought about trying match.com? that's the one dr. phil is linked with. i looked on it for my area just out of curiosity (a girl has to have a fall back plan) to see what was out there and saw many attractive fellas in their 30s/40s. i was surprised.

just keep being yourself and someone will come along, probably when you are not expecting it. you are a beautiful woman with lots of spirit. it'll happen for ya. my mom was widowed 3 years ago at the age of 50, my dad passed away from a car accident. she placed a personal ad in the local merchandiser and met with 2 fellas before meeting her current husband. they have been happily married for almost 2 years now. let that be inspiration to you. you can find love in the most unlikely places. you just might hafta kiss (theoretically) a few frogs first. hang in there!
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post #4 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 09:16 AM Thread Starter
 
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I know about the kid thing and my age group. I have reasons why I don't date guys with kids. One of the main reasons are that I'm the "fly by the seat of your pants" kinna girl, and men that have kids can't be that way. They have to get baby sitters etc etc.. not only that, no matter if they are divorced, if they have children the ex wife/gf will remain in the picture no matter what. I've encountered enough ex wifes/gf/fiancés in my life that I want nothing to do with it any more. Also, I don't like kids. I like um around for a few hours max, then they need to go home.. lol

I tried Match.com and it was almost just as bad. One thing I wont do is lie about who I am and what gets me going, like the bike. But it seems that men think that I'm only riding to prove a point or to show off. They seem to be threatened by it. Why I don't know...

I guess for now I'll just be single. It sucks, it's lonely and I really dislike it, but since I refuse to compromise (hell, I settled for 6 yrs) then I guess I'm outta luck for now.. **sigh**

AKK this is depressing! I'm taking the girl (aka bike) out!
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post #5 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 09:42 AM
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Weird, how old are the guys you are dating, because I think it is hot when a girl rides a bike. The kids thing is a little harsh, but understandable. They can be annoying little snots a lot, especially if you don't have any.

Maybe shan needs a dating subforum so you single sportbikers can meet other single sportbikers.

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post #6 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 09:50 AM
 
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That's just because you haven't met my kids... Some days...they make me want to run away from home...

Just relax and don't worry so much...Of course, you might want to consider leaving "Bowl of Greens" Kentucky...
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post #7 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 09:55 AM
 
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I understand where you're coming from in regards to the kids, and I don't think you should compromise there. That would be a mistake. There are childfree organizations that you could look into. Are there any major metropolitan areas nearby that would enable you to broaden your horizons?

The kissing thing is kinda wierd, tho.
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post #8 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 09:56 AM
 
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What do you mean, you don't kiss ever? It's gonna be hard to sustain a relationship if you don't show affection. Kissing is great. You don't need to kiss the guy on the first second or even third date, but to say that you never kiss is crazy. I mean if you say that to a total clown, that's fine. but what if you do meet a nice guy, you're not gonna kiss him?
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post #9 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 10:09 AM
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Kids are great! As long as I can give'em back to their parents.

with your endeavors Jappsy. I think our age group is the hardest to make new relations. Were young enough to have our minds set on how we want to live. Old enough to know better but still make play time and try to live that life. The youngns can and will change while the old foggies just know better and deal with it. Just do the things you enjoy and don't miss an opportunity to meet new peps.

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post #10 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 10:11 AM
 
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FYI. I like older women.
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post #11 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 10:33 AM
 
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i don't envy you, jappy. it's tough trying to find love at our age. where do you go to look? we're almost too old to hit the bars trolling for guys, and that leaves absolutely nowhere else to look. if you go looking in singles clubs and such, they are filled with much older people. i wouldn't know where to look for someone my age, thankfully i don't have to. there is definately a shortage of places for the 30 somethings to go meet people. at least your bike is a good conversation starter. just don't get discouraged. once you take the thought that you have failed, you own that thought. then no matter what happens, you have it set in your subconscious that it'll never work out and you'll end up jeopardizing any opportunities you get. chin up, there are guys out there. you'll get your share. how'd you meet the ex?
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post #12 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 10:54 AM
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I totally missed the whole no kissing part. Wow, good luck finding any guy that would agree with those terms, well unless you do other things often to make up for it.

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post #13 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 11:02 AM
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hey girl, dont let it get you down!!

the kids thing I understand, i think i go through phases, sometimes i like them, sometimes they make my skin crawl, no offense to those with kids, i would never harm a kid or anything, i just prefer not to spend alot of time with them...

I think alot of men are really threatened by women who know exactly what they want, like you, me, and the other ladies around here, and the ones who are saying that "the bike has to go" are prob so insecure they arent worth speaking to. The good ones are out there, one day he will just pop up and BAM ya wont know what hit ya!!

As for the kissing thing, that may make it a lil harder, but (i think) like you, I am not a physically affectionate person either and I prefer to never be touched...ever. I love my husband and he understands for the most part, there are the days when he just really needs to hug on me and love on me, i deal with it, (kinda like being mauled by a bear)

cuddling =

but once you meet a guy, who loves you for you and how you already are, even if he wants things you dont, he can work around it, look at my hubby!! He is the most affectionate and loving guy ever and he married the "Ice Queen" (and yes, everyone, i am referred to by many people by that term, not just my hubby!! )

So, not trying to talk about myself, but if I am reading you right, you are not alone!!! And he is out there, he may not be Mr. Perfect, but he will be perfect for you, NEVER settle!!
(besides, what man could ever be as perfect as us ladies!!! )
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post #14 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 11:18 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VolEngineer
I totally missed the whole no kissing part. Wow, good luck finding any guy that would agree with those terms, well unless you do other things often to make up for it.
How do you feel about dry humping?
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post #15 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 02:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DLITALIEN
How do you feel about dry humping?
You see, that is why this is a ladies forum. (brown noseing for the ladies..... ) I'll say this, on looks alone you shouldn't have any problem finding someone to date, but he kissing........I don't know about that one. Ice Queen AKA RaeRR, your a work of art. No touching, ever......
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post #16 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 04:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1BadCBR
You see, that is why this is a ladies forum. (brown noseing for the ladies..... ) I'll say this, on looks alone you shouldn't have any problem finding someone to date, but he kissing........I don't know about that one. Ice Queen AKA RaeRR, your a work of art. No touching, ever......
hmmm, not sure whether to be offended or not...

read the context, i said i "prefer" to never be touched, you cant be married as long as i have and not be affectionate with your significant other, silly boy!!! I am just not one of those girls that those that run, hug, kissy thing...i am just very aware of my own personal space and prefer to not be cuddled and stuff...not that i dont ever its all about compromise...my hubby loves me, he gives me space, i love him, he gets cuddle time...both do our thang...get it now?

Last edited by Rae; 05-03-2006 at 04:15 PM.
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post #17 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 04:24 PM
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Do you like doing other things to make up for the no affection Rae? If that is too personal, don't answer it. I am just trying to comprehend this stuff. I couldn't handle a relationship with no affection. That would drive me bonkers, but then again I am an extremely horny person, but that is every guy. We are like the boy scouts, always prepared.

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post #18 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 05:27 PM
 
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....

Quote:
Originally Posted by jappysRR
When I make it perfectly clear that I do not kiss, and I don't mean just on the first date, I mean ever, these guys go out of there way to try anyway!

The people I'm meeting are either married, liars, or trying to get in my pants, which is NOT going to happen. No matter how long it's been I will not put out.
Soooo, if I read this correctly you don't kiss and you never put out? Not being rude, just trying to understand because it seems like you literally meant NEVER EVER, like not even if you got married.... Which I'll tell you upfront is odd and I would totally be uninterested at that point. Which might be your problem, other than the whole liars, kids, married men thing.

Last edited by IcyDeath; 05-03-2006 at 05:30 PM.
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post #19 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 08:30 PM
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It kinda seems like you want a friend more than a boyfriend. Someone who is there for you, but doesn't show you any affection... Of course if you need a good snogging now and then, like most of us, then you probably just a need a f**k buddy.

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post #20 of 114 (permalink) Old 05-03-2006, 08:40 PM
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.. Maybe she just doesn't like kissing You guys should be jumpin all over this, cmon now, what guy really likes kissing? It's just something you HAVE to do to get where you want! I know I only really kiss my girlfriend because she likes it every now and then, not me, so really I just do it for her.

Oh and good luck Jappy, and whoops I didn't mean to post in the women's forum

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