Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now known as The Islands.
Leading hand sanitizers claim that they can kill 99.9% of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever the hell he wants.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.
Chuck Norris put the FUN in funeral
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces.
The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie.
Chuck Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis than the U.S. Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for the last 146 years.