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Men & Women as friends....

6K views 87 replies 18 participants last post by  1BadCBR 
#1 ·
A discussion (about a college student's jealousy over his girlfriend having lunch with a football star at her university) on another forum spawned this statement, which just rubbed me the wrong way:

Originally Posted by SleekStreak:
I'd be worried to, honestly. As the saying goes... men and women can't be "just friends" (unless the man is gay).
Without debating whether the original guy's jealousy was justified or not (it's not), what's your take on the statement above? I was appalled... it's such an archaic line of thinking!!

So whatcha think?

Discuss amongst yourselves... :lol:
 
#2 ·
A discussion (about a college student's jealousy over his girlfriend having lunch with a football star at her university) on another forum spawned this statement, which just rubbed me the wrong way:



Without debating whether the original guy's jealousy was justified or not (it's not), what's your take on the statement above? I was appalled... it's such an archaic line of thinking!!

So whatcha think?

Discuss amongst yourselves... :lol:
I think men and women can be friends. I think the problem is just like you stated above, the significant other(SO) gets jealous. Nobody likes competition when it comes to their SO.
 
#20 ·
:iagree: Even though your S/O may not say it but believe me 9 out of 10 time they are bothered by your "so called" friend.

I don't think they can just be friends. Aquaintances, yes. But hangin out every weekend or something like that, no. I've seen it first hand with my first girl friend. As soon as we broke up, she banged one of her friends. She told me.
Did you try to bang one of your friend in retaliation or better yet one of hers...:whistle:

Personally I couldn't just be friends with a girl. Every time I have been a friend with a girl, something happened. Not intentionally, but after a while of hangin out with a girl, it just happens...with me anyway. I don't have any girl friends. Mostly just an aquaintance.
Same here!

I think men and women can be friends without any sexual tension. Friendships with members of the opposite sex are completely natural and I don't see any reason to be worried about a significant other being in those kinds of platonic relationships. IMO "jealous" types just end up hurting themselves because they drive their significant others to hide or downplay their friendships and once that starts happening it becomes harder to be completely honest if things do end up taking a turn for the worse (friend starts wanting to be more). For awhile I was the overly protective and jealous boyfriend and I almost got burned by the situation that I just described. In my experience it is fine to have friendships, even very very close friendships, with members of the opposite sex as long as you always have complete transparency and trust with your significant other.
:bs:
 
#3 ·
I don't think they can just be friends. Aquaintances, yes. But hangin out every weekend or something like that, no. I've seen it first hand with my first girl friend. As soon as we broke up, she banged one of her friends. She told me.

Personally I couldn't just be friends with a girl. Every time I have been a friend with a girl, something happened. Not intentionally, but after a while of hangin out with a girl, it just happens...with me anyway. I don't have any girl friends. Mostly just an aquaintance.
 
#4 ·
I think men and women can be friends without any sexual tension. Friendships with members of the opposite sex are completely natural and I don't see any reason to be worried about a significant other being in those kinds of platonic relationships. IMO "jealous" types just end up hurting themselves because they drive their significant others to hide or downplay their friendships and once that starts happening it becomes harder to be completely honest if things do end up taking a turn for the worse (friend starts wanting to be more). For awhile I was the overly protective and jealous boyfriend and I almost got burned by the situation that I just described. In my experience it is fine to have friendships, even very very close friendships, with members of the opposite sex as long as you always have complete transparency and trust with your significant other.
 
#10 ·
Maybe alcohol is a factor. I like to party and if I started to hang out wth a girl, just to hang out, we would go out drinking and then something would happen. And from there I would either have a F buddy or we would stop being friends, or we would start dating.
 
#11 ·
I think it's a perspective thing...As a guy, the only friends that I have had that we're unattractive woman we're not friendships I pursued, they just kind of happened, like she was friends with someone I knew type of thing. I've been in a relationship for a few years and I have woman that I'm friendly with and hang-out with sometimes, and I haven't cheated on my girlfriend, but there is still a certain amount of flirting and somewhere in the back of my mind I think if the relationship I'm in right now doesn't work...
If you date someone for long enough, though they usually should become your best friend, so usually the time I spend with friends solo, whether a woman or a guy usually becomes limited. I think Chris Rock said that women keep male friends close to them as an "emergency d!@k in a box...break glass incase of emergency" I think most women don't think about screwing every single guy they see, so for them to be friends with a guy, they can probably control that, but I think most guys rate a woman on her "hotness" all the time. I'll walk down the street and judge in my head if a woman is hot and if I would have sex with her...and I don't even know her. SO as long as the woman in the friendship doesn't want to have sex, the friendship should be fine.:2cents:

Neebelung...you wanna be friends?:drool: :lol:
 
#19 ·
I think it's a perspective thing...As a guy, the only friends that I have had that we're unattractive woman we're not friendships I pursued, they just kind of happened, like she was friends with someone I knew type of thing. I've been in a relationship for a few years and I have woman that I'm friendly with and hang-out with sometimes, and I haven't cheated on my girlfriend, but there is still a certain amount of flirting and somewhere in the back of my mind I think if the relationship I'm in right now doesn't work...
If you date someone for long enough, though they usually should become your best friend, so usually the time I spend with friends solo, whether a woman or a guy usually becomes limited. I think Chris Rock said that women keep male friends close to them as an "emergency d!@k in a box...break glass incase of emergency" I think most women don't think about screwing every single guy they see, so for them to be friends with a guy, they can probably control that, but I think most guys rate a woman on her "hotness" all the time. I'll walk down the street and judge in my head if a woman is hot and if I would have sex with her...and I don't even know her. SO as long as the woman in the friendship doesn't want to have sex, the friendship should be fine.:2cents:
Interesting........ :scratch:

Neebelung...you wanna be friends?:drool: :lol:
:lol: As long as you understand I won't ever break the glass to get to the emergency d**k, sure! :wink:
 
#15 ·
I personally cannot be just friends with girls most of the time. The only time I have been just friends with a girl is when I was totally unattracted to her. If there is some type of attraction, I am always going to want something more.

And again, its a form of disrespect to my SO or vice versa if we are "hanging out" with just friends.
 
#16 ·
I think that it is possible to be friends with females... The only thing is that intentions can change. Once you become close with someone emotions can evolve and things can change.. I had a great friend for a long time.. she was smart, funny, and an overall fun person to be around... she was dating a guy seriously for 5 years through high school so we would all hang out... I saw how she was in relationships and realized that we could never be "together" in that type of relationship... we were very close though.. treated here like a girlfriend without the "perks" and she treated me like a boyfriend without the "benefits"
 
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#32 ·
Trust (trustworthy people) is a hard thing to find these days. I think women are better at being friends with guys, and IMO guys are friends with girls for a reason....aka hotness factor....physical.....etc (not all, but a large majority of the time). From my past experiences in relationships there hasnt been one single girl friend of my ex's that were innocent friendships, not a one. :bash:
 
#36 ·
Friends, OK. Close friends as a couple, OK, usually. Close friend thats opposite sex of only one, nah that never goes good. Guys become close friends with girls because they think it is a ticket into the pants. Even if the girl is totally innocent (whether its the GF haveing guy friends or the BF having friends that are girls) , the guy eventually wants in the pants. Thats my opinion on it anyway.
 
#62 ·
Yeah you bring up a good point. When my wife and I were dating we broke up for a few months and hooked up with another girl that I met at a party, we dated for a little while and then just kinda simmered to a halt and were just friends (no feelings left for either of us). Well when I got back with my wife (gf then) she was kinda uncomfortable with that particular friendship so over time I just let it slip away, I never had the "my gf won't let me be friends with you" conversation but in the back of my head I knew that the relationship was bothering my wife, even though she never suggested that I shouldn't/couldn't stay friends with the other girl, so I consciously decided to just let it go.

I'd say that in all of these situations just make sure that you're both being rational and considerate of the legitimate feelings of each other. The rational part is important though, selfish unwarranted jealously just hurts everyone involved.
 
#63 ·
This has been the best thread I've read in a while. I think all the points people are bringing up are great. Some funny *****, too!! Thanks for being honest people.:dthumb:

I don't have the multi-quote thing down (might be a Mac issue) but the thing about the glass house relationship I agree with. There was even a girl that was very aggressive about getting with me and it was one of those situations where I had to see her regularly, so I tried to put it out there that I wasn't interested and in a good, serious relationship, but that seemed to make her even more determined, so I mentioned it to my GF so it was out there and the idea of this chick wanting to get with me wasn't just bouncing around my head.

Nee, you mentioned the ex and my GF was real close with her last major BF when we started dating. I was intimidated about in the begining, but as our relationship grew and our trust and I got to get to know the guy, he's a cool guy and he's fun to hang out with. Although, the longer me and my lady have dated, the less she talks or hang out with him. Natural progression of a relationship, I guess.:idk:
 
#65 ·
But why?

I mean, if the guy was a horrible jerk, and did something really atrocious to her, I can understand that feeling, as you love and care for her, and it angers you that he hurt her.

But if it was a normal breakup, no major drama, just one of "those things," why let it upset you? She's with YOU now, and that's what matters.

Everyone has a past....
 
#82 ·
my husband is super jealous of all the fellas i talk to on here, and y'all aren't even real (well, you know what i mean). i think it is funny. i wouldn't mind my hubby having female friends as long as he included me as well. i don't know how i'd feel if he was just hanging out with a girl alone all the time. i just think that is inappropriate. it depends on the situation, i guess. i'm secure in my relationship and all, but i don't wanna be naive though.
 
#83 ·
Why would he be jealous, just tell him the get a screen name and join in with the rest of us. Something like itboy69 :lol: . My wife is not on here but a lot of times I tell her about some of the topics that we are discussing (she thinks they are funny most of the time, ie taters dinner thread). We have females in the M/C club that I'm in and some are single and sexy but you have to know when to draw the line control your emotions.
 
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