Men & Women as friends.... - TwoWheelForum: Motorcycle and Sportbike forums
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post #1 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 11:51 AM Thread Starter
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Men & Women as friends....

A discussion (about a college student's jealousy over his girlfriend having lunch with a football star at her university) on another forum spawned this statement, which just rubbed me the wrong way:

Quote:
Originally Posted by SleekStreak:
I'd be worried to, honestly. As the saying goes... men and women can't be "just friends" (unless the man is gay).
Without debating whether the original guy's jealousy was justified or not (it's not), what's your take on the statement above? I was appalled... it's such an archaic line of thinking!!

So whatcha think?

Discuss amongst yourselves...
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post #2 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 11:57 AM
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Originally Posted by neebelung View Post
A discussion (about a college student's jealousy over his girlfriend having lunch with a football star at her university) on another forum spawned this statement, which just rubbed me the wrong way:



Without debating whether the original guy's jealousy was justified or not (it's not), what's your take on the statement above? I was appalled... it's such an archaic line of thinking!!

So whatcha think?

Discuss amongst yourselves...
I think men and women can be friends. I think the problem is just like you stated above, the significant other(SO) gets jealous. Nobody likes competition when it comes to their SO.
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post #3 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:00 PM
 
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I don't think they can just be friends. Aquaintances, yes. But hangin out every weekend or something like that, no. I've seen it first hand with my first girl friend. As soon as we broke up, she banged one of her friends. She told me.

Personally I couldn't just be friends with a girl. Every time I have been a friend with a girl, something happened. Not intentionally, but after a while of hangin out with a girl, it just happens...with me anyway. I don't have any girl friends. Mostly just an aquaintance.
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post #4 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:03 PM
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I think men and women can be friends without any sexual tension. Friendships with members of the opposite sex are completely natural and I don't see any reason to be worried about a significant other being in those kinds of platonic relationships. IMO "jealous" types just end up hurting themselves because they drive their significant others to hide or downplay their friendships and once that starts happening it becomes harder to be completely honest if things do end up taking a turn for the worse (friend starts wanting to be more). For awhile I was the overly protective and jealous boyfriend and I almost got burned by the situation that I just described. In my experience it is fine to have friendships, even very very close friendships, with members of the opposite sex as long as you always have complete transparency and trust with your significant other.
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post #5 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:04 PM
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Originally Posted by DLITALIEN View Post
I don't think they can just be friends. Aquaintances, yes. But hangin out every weekend or something like that, no. I've seen it first hand with my first girl friend. As soon as we broke up, she banged one of her friends. She told me.

Personally I couldn't just be friends with a girl. Every time I have been a friend with a girl, something happened. Not intentionally, but after a while of hangin out with a girl, it just happens...with me anyway. I don't have any girl friends. Mostly just an aquaintance.
Yeah I can see that. I have never had a girl that was that close of a friend, if she was that close, we were more that just "friends". I do think it is possible though to be friends without doing the "deed".
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post #6 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:09 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by DLITALIEN View Post
I don't think they can just be friends. Aquaintances, yes. But hangin out every weekend or something like that, no. I've seen it first hand with my first girl friend. As soon as we broke up, she banged one of her friends. She told me.
Ok, hanging out EVERY weekend (to the point it's excluding one's S.O.) no, that doesn't work for anyone involved. But hanging out socially, riding, etc... (both as a group, and with respective S.O.s and others, etc....) why not?

Sure, we've all had bad relationship experiences in the past, but why punish the person in your life for something done to you by someone in the past?

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Originally Posted by DLITALIEN View Post
Personally I couldn't just be friends with a girl. Every time I have been a friend with a girl, something happened. Not intentionally, but after a while of hangin out with a girl, it just happens...with me anyway. I don't have any girl friends. Mostly just an aquaintance.
Hmmmph... odd. I've always had guy friends (I mean, seriously since I was like 3, my closest friends have been guys). I have plenty of female friends as well, but, especially being in the sportbike scene (which is male dominated) the people that I enjoy hanging out with and have stuff in common with are predominantly male.

(and for the record, Chris -- the BF -- has no issues with it... he knows there's no reason to be jealous, so it's never even come up as an issue).
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post #7 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:10 PM Thread Starter
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I do think it is possible though to be friends without doing the "deed".
It is too!!!!! Absolutely!! I hang out with my friend Dave alll the time -- we ride, he hangs out at the house occasionally, go gear shopping, etc... there's quite literally never been so much as an IOTA of sexual tension. Not never, not no how!
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post #8 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:15 PM
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It is too!!!!! Absolutely!! I hang out with my friend Dave alll the time -- we ride, he hangs out at the house occasionally, go gear shopping, etc... there's quite literally never been so much as an IOTA of sexual tension. Not never, not no how!
Well it depends on how close of friends. if your talking just friends that hang out from time to time, then yes it possible. If you talking like best friends that are inseparable, spend all your time with that person, I say no becasue if I wanted to be with them every minute of the day, I would want her to be my girl.
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post #9 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:16 PM
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It's probably possible... However I have never had a friend that was a girl that I didn't want to bang... Acquaintances yes... Friends no...
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post #10 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:17 PM
 
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Maybe alcohol is a factor. I like to party and if I started to hang out wth a girl, just to hang out, we would go out drinking and then something would happen. And from there I would either have a F buddy or we would stop being friends, or we would start dating.
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post #11 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:23 PM
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I think it's a perspective thing...As a guy, the only friends that I have had that we're unattractive woman we're not friendships I pursued, they just kind of happened, like she was friends with someone I knew type of thing. I've been in a relationship for a few years and I have woman that I'm friendly with and hang-out with sometimes, and I haven't cheated on my girlfriend, but there is still a certain amount of flirting and somewhere in the back of my mind I think if the relationship I'm in right now doesn't work...
If you date someone for long enough, though they usually should become your best friend, so usually the time I spend with friends solo, whether a woman or a guy usually becomes limited. I think Chris Rock said that women keep male friends close to them as an "emergency [email protected] in a box...break glass incase of emergency" I think most women don't think about screwing every single guy they see, so for them to be friends with a guy, they can probably control that, but I think most guys rate a woman on her "hotness" all the time. I'll walk down the street and judge in my head if a woman is hot and if I would have sex with her...and I don't even know her. SO as long as the woman in the friendship doesn't want to have sex, the friendship should be fine.

Neebelung...you wanna be friends?
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post #12 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:30 PM
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[QUOTE=DLITALIEN;227473]
Personally I couldn't just be friends with a girl. Every time I have been a friend with a girl, something happened. Not intentionally,


Yes falling in bed with a girl can happen on accident, ecpesicialy if there is poor lighting in the room and you cant see where you are going

for the most part I agree with DL, if you are in a relationship you shouldnt be hanging around with a girl just out of respect for you girlfriend. what I try to do is think of how would I feel if my girl was always hanging out with some hottie.

human nature is untaimed in the SEX area. on the other if you and your partner have co- freinds plan your time all together. I went to a couples group and the most important thing I learned was to TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHERS FEELINGS.

of course the question you asked neebelung will always be contigent on how mature and true a couple is. this is my

Last edited by anyexcus2ride; 09-15-2006 at 12:33 PM.
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post #13 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:36 PM
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I can be just friends with the ugly girls
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post #14 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neebelung View Post
It is too!!!!! Absolutely!! I hang out with my friend Dave alll the time -- we ride, he hangs out at the house occasionally, go gear shopping, etc... there's quite literally never been so much as an IOTA of sexual tension. Not never, not no how!

Thats cool I am glad to hear it and it sounds like you have a good man. I wish my girl was like your BF but she still get jelous when I go riding with the BOYS cant imagine if the TWF girls showed up at my door to go riding

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post #15 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:39 PM
 
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I personally cannot be just friends with girls most of the time. The only time I have been just friends with a girl is when I was totally unattracted to her. If there is some type of attraction, I am always going to want something more.

And again, its a form of disrespect to my SO or vice versa if we are "hanging out" with just friends.

Finally back on 2 wheels
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post #16 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:44 PM
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I think that it is possible to be friends with females... The only thing is that intentions can change. Once you become close with someone emotions can evolve and things can change.. I had a great friend for a long time.. she was smart, funny, and an overall fun person to be around... she was dating a guy seriously for 5 years through high school so we would all hang out... I saw how she was in relationships and realized that we could never be "together" in that type of relationship... we were very close though.. treated here like a girlfriend without the "perks" and she treated me like a boyfriend without the "benefits"

REMBER THOSE WHO ARE NO LONGER WITH US AND KEEP THEM IN YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR HEARTS.
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post #17 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:50 PM
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Originally Posted by neebelung View Post
It is too!!!!! Absolutely!! I hang out with my friend Dave alll the time -- we ride, he hangs out at the house occasionally, go gear shopping, etc... there's quite literally never been so much as an IOTA of sexual tension. Not never, not no how!

I think you missed it, I said it IS possible. I think you thought I said it ISNT possible.
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post #18 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:54 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by GR_Z750s_rider View Post
Well it depends on how close of friends. if your talking just friends that hang out from time to time, then yes it possible. If you talking like best friends that are inseparable, spend all your time with that person, I say no becasue if I wanted to be with them every minute of the day, I would want her to be my girl.
Ok, but that's different... again, that's a relationship that's interfering with the relationship with your S.O., and would be unhealthy whether it was someone of the opposite OR same sex (and if rhere IS no S.O.? Then why aren't you - general you, not you specifically - and the female friend dating? )
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post #19 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:56 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by sdog30 View Post
I think it's a perspective thing...As a guy, the only friends that I have had that we're unattractive woman we're not friendships I pursued, they just kind of happened, like she was friends with someone I knew type of thing. I've been in a relationship for a few years and I have woman that I'm friendly with and hang-out with sometimes, and I haven't cheated on my girlfriend, but there is still a certain amount of flirting and somewhere in the back of my mind I think if the relationship I'm in right now doesn't work...
If you date someone for long enough, though they usually should become your best friend, so usually the time I spend with friends solo, whether a woman or a guy usually becomes limited. I think Chris Rock said that women keep male friends close to them as an "emergency [email protected] in a box...break glass incase of emergency" I think most women don't think about screwing every single guy they see, so for them to be friends with a guy, they can probably control that, but I think most guys rate a woman on her "hotness" all the time. I'll walk down the street and judge in my head if a woman is hot and if I would have sex with her...and I don't even know her. SO as long as the woman in the friendship doesn't want to have sex, the friendship should be fine.
Interesting........

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Neebelung...you wanna be friends?
As long as you understand I won't ever break the glass to get to the emergency d**k, sure!
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post #20 of 88 (permalink) Old 09-15-2006, 12:57 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GR_Z750s_rider View Post
I think men and women can be friends. I think the problem is just like you stated above, the significant other(SO) gets jealous. Nobody likes competition when it comes to their SO.
Even though your S/O may not say it but believe me 9 out of 10 time they are bothered by your "so called" friend.

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Originally Posted by DLITALIEN View Post
I don't think they can just be friends. Aquaintances, yes. But hangin out every weekend or something like that, no. I've seen it first hand with my first girl friend. As soon as we broke up, she banged one of her friends. She told me.
Did you try to bang one of your friend in retaliation or better yet one of hers...

Personally I couldn't just be friends with a girl. Every time I have been a friend with a girl, something happened. Not intentionally, but after a while of hangin out with a girl, it just happens...with me anyway. I don't have any girl friends. Mostly just an aquaintance.
Same here!

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Originally Posted by KnightHunter84 View Post
I think men and women can be friends without any sexual tension. Friendships with members of the opposite sex are completely natural and I don't see any reason to be worried about a significant other being in those kinds of platonic relationships. IMO "jealous" types just end up hurting themselves because they drive their significant others to hide or downplay their friendships and once that starts happening it becomes harder to be completely honest if things do end up taking a turn for the worse (friend starts wanting to be more). For awhile I was the overly protective and jealous boyfriend and I almost got burned by the situation that I just described. In my experience it is fine to have friendships, even very very close friendships, with members of the opposite sex as long as you always have complete transparency and trust with your significant other.
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