"One day I was riding my bike in the snow
and I was about to make a left turn when
out of nowhere came this giant platypus that ate my
glove so I had to ride home only with my
elbows. I had to take revenge on this platypus now.
I took out my potato gun and took a shot at
the man driving the beer truck. I gotta be drunk
to fight a nasty beast like the platypus king and
get a quick buzz before i went out of my
way to dodge the fat girl swinging from the tree
outside my house. she was way too big for my
dog to fight so I threw her a hambone to
get her attention off me and i ran so fast
that I lost traction in my air jordans and fell
off the side of a raised parking lot. then i
pulled out my 9 and shot that platypus in the
ass. Just before the fat girl came crashing down on
my yard i managed to catch her. The king platypus
now ticked that he had a bullet in his ass
called upon voltron to assemble and chap my sorry ass.
Just when Voltron was about to smash the living chit
out of king platypus for waking him up so early
fat girl started to pick her ass off the grass
so i shot her in the head. She died. Voltron
said I'm outs catcha on the flip side of town
holmes. Then i laughed at platypus for being so dumb.
he asked if we're supposed to start a new sentence.
so i shot him in the face for being stupid.
then the platypus grew another head and laughs at the
fat chick and bites here leg until gravy spewed out
,and then she said pass the taters you selfish ho.
and biscuits, then he saved them for dinner and leftovers
until he noticed it had mold, then he got all
pissed off and sat on her face. yelling"
"WTF i gotta be dreaming this *****". I woke up
vomiting everywhere because i found naked photos of us at
The gap. i collected myself and went outside to pee,
then the red power ranger goldburged me and i peed
blood. he started running so i got on my bike
did a 130mph wheelie then, endoed and crashed in someones
sister, she was hot. i asked her, her name she
handed over her t-back with her number on it and
she gave me the number for time and temperature. It
made me fly off the hinge, so i slung my
cat into a wall. someone from PETA saw me, and they
laughed their asses off. Then I got going again until
a wild mouse stopped in front of my motorcycle, so
I had to grab a handful of front brake and
did an endo right over the little guys tail. He
and flipped me the bird. I was
mad now, i did a burnout on his head. Riding
now on my slick tires I tried not to bust
one after all those endos, so i said to myself "
"i shouldn't be riding when I'm so drunk". I laughed
at this dumb chick that was also drunk and slid
my bike right into her car. We laughed until cops
came and wrote us tickets, so we went to the
bar to drink more to forget about the darn tickets
but my bike was totaled so we walked to the
strip club and the silly drunk girl got a
ten gallon drum of ice cream. She said she needed
A hand full of ones to tip the girl dancing in
the club. I said "you need to share that tasty
cherry of your's" and I'll give you the single of
my wonka bar". She slapped me and then said ok.
So i let her try some of my tasty goodness. She
slowly reached down and gently grabbed my long hard pulsing
gerbil. It freaked out and clawed my pocket. I only
saw a flash of fur as it disappeared into the
pitcher of beer on the table it drowned. I thought
it was a goner. intill it became gerbal from hell.
It looked at me and horns sprung from it's head
all the dancers ran for cover. I jumped to my
feet and grabbed my drink. I yelled to the tall
blond to grab my helmet and throw me her thong.
She picked it up off the ground and threw it
to me. I put on the thong helmet and threw
up major chunks. I was ready to party some more
so me and the midget danced the funky chicken intill
that cow showed up.. i was thinking what the hell!
So I picked up the midget and took the back
door to oblivion. Things got even weirder as we got
to her car. thinks she slipped me a micky. i
tried to fight it but it was no use the
ground kept moving closer until I finally fell and passed
gas on the way to impaling myself on a stalagmite.
then after getting myself off that damn stalagmite i thought
damn i'm bleeding all over the place, i need a