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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-23-2007, 04:08 PM Thread Starter
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80 yrs old

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.

The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said;
"Things
are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who
is
pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a
story...

"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never
misses a season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a
bit of
a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking stick instead of his
gun".
"As he neared a lake he came across a very large beaver sitting at the
water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't
shoot
the magnificent creature but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it
at
the animal as if it were his favourite hunting rifle and went
'bang,bang'".
"Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now,
what
do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a
couple
of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly".
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-23-2007, 04:10 PM
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-23-2007, 04:10 PM
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bwa hahahaahahahha

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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-23-2007, 04:10 PM
 
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-23-2007, 04:13 PM
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thats hella funny
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-23-2007, 08:01 PM
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-23-2007, 10:47 PM
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-24-2007, 12:09 AM
 
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-24-2007, 08:41 AM
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-24-2007, 09:34 AM
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-25-2007, 12:27 AM
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A woman (probably blonde) turns 50 and isn't too thrilled about it, so she sees the plastic surgeon and gets her whole face, neck, and hands done and tops it all of with a spectacular boob job. She looks amazing and is now eager for compliments on her "natural" beauty.

She goes to the bank for a deposit and says to the teller, "Guess how old I am." Teller says "Um, 29?" She says, "Actually I'm 50, but thank you for the compliment!" and she leaves the bank absolutely elated.

After the bank she goes to McDonald's for lunch and tries the same routine on the cashier, who guesses she's 27, which pleases her greatly. Really feeling good about herself, she goes to the dress shop to find something to fit over her big new rack and tries the same thing with the sales girl, who guesses that she's 26. The 50 year old lady is on cloud nine by now.

It's time to go home, so she heads for the bus stop. At the bus stop waiting for the bus is an old man. While waiting for the bus, the lady says to the old man, "Guess how old I am."

The old man says, "Lady, I'm 80 years old myself, and I don't see so good anymore, but I have an absolutely foolproof way of determining a woman's age. All you have to do is let me put my hands up your shirt, feel around a bit, and that will tell me exactly how old you are."

The woman's a little reluctant, but her ego's gotten so big that she agrees. The old man runs his hands up her shirt, gets under her bra, and starts feeling her up like a hungry teenager. After a really good fondle, the lady says, "OK that's enough! How old am I?"

"You are exactly 50 years old."

The lady is stunned and crushed. "But I look young and beautiful. How can you tell that I'm 50 just by feeling my breasts?"

The old man smiles and says, "I was standing behind you in line at the McDonald's."

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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-25-2007, 12:42 AM
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that ones good....

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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-25-2007, 08:28 AM
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Those are both great!!!

Rockin it www.sportbikegurls.com!
Ride Smart, Ride Safe
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-25-2007, 10:54 AM
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