Hey guys! I thought this was funny, but so damn true..
To all my friends and family:
Thank you for making me safe, secure, blessed,
and wealthy by sending me your chain letters over
the last year.
Because of your concern:
I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the
people who make these products are atheists who
refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I
will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave
because it causes cancer.
I no longer go to movies because I could sit on a
needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
because I could get pricked with a needle infected
I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even
though I smell like a wet dog on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx
since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French
and don't support our American troops.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will
ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will
get the phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the
estrogen's they contain will turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
I no longer look at the opposite sex because they
will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in
a bathtub full of ice.
I no longer have a cell phone but that will
change once I receive my new Ericcson phone.
I no longer have any sneakers but that will
change once I receive my free replacement pair from
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman
Marcus since I now have their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out for me.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to
a sick girl about to die in the hospital for the
I no longer have any money but that will change
once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL
are sending me since I participated in their
special e-mail program.
I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for
looking out for me!
Now if you DON'T send this e-mail to at least
1200 people in the next 60 seconds a large bird
with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm.