Hypothetical 4 (New kids on the block) - TwoWheelForum: Motorcycle and Sportbike forums
 
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2007, 06:14 PM Thread Starter
 
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Hypothetical 4 (New kids on the block)

Well the last one went well... I'd have to say more people enjoy this than loath it so i will continue with the series for now. here goes number four, this one is a bit silly.

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Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called "super gorilla." Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q. of almost 85, and most notably, a vague sense of self awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be "borderline unblockable" and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent. You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2007, 06:28 PM
 
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WTF whyyyyyyyy
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2007, 06:46 PM
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Yeah this question could get me in a lot of trouble. I abstain...

2005 Honda CRF88RR - 2007 Honda CBR600RR
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2007, 06:48 PM
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umm it would have the highest IQ on the team wouldnt it???
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2007, 06:53 PM
 
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Don't they have them playing already??

Seriously though, of course not!

Firsty, he's genetically modified. OK, in this instance he's genetically modified for extra intelligence, not extra strength, but once you open that floodgate, there's no going back.

Secondly, Football, as with most other sports, is supposed to be a contest between Humans (or at least within a single species). For example, why couldn't you let a Cheetah enter Horse racing? Aside from the fact that one couldn't carry a jockey, and would probably attack it's competitors, it would be much faster. We've always known that the animal kingdom is more adapted to thier environment than humans, and we as humans have attempted (poorly) to emulate thier abilities. Develop a super-intelligent seal, and there's your next world swimming champion, until someone develops a super-intelligent Penguin!

Thirdly the risk! While the gorilla may state that he'll never intentionally hurt another player, Players get hurt all the time as it is now. All professional players are atheletes, competing with the best in their sport. It's unreasonable to think that if you suddenly widen to a large extent the variation between levels of strength,there wouldn't be consequences. Injuries will happen, more frequently and more seriously. Imagine having a team of Pee-Wee Hermans, playing a team of Pee-Wee Hermans, but one team's got a current NFL linebacker. Are we getting an image now?

Steer the Gorilla towards Professional Wresting. He'll feel much more at home, the risk to humans will be less, and he'll be competing agains his own kind!

Last edited by Chuckademus; 06-29-2007 at 06:55 PM.
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2007, 07:56 PM Thread Starter
 
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again, these questions are hypothetical, and more importantly than HOW you answer the question is why you answered the way you did. your answer doesnt have to the logical answer, so long as you can supply ample criteria to back it up.

personally, i'd let the gorilla enter play. it'd be a huge ratings boost for the league and the gorilla is practically human. mostly i'd love to see him play for bannannas. a million bannannas a season. I think it'd be an unfair advantage to the raiders, but then hell, why not get the university to genetically enhance other animals and start having a 2 stage draft. firstly for humans and secondly for animals... i would not try to tackle a genetically enhanced grizzly bear or attempt to intercept a ball thrown to a super intelligent leapord. it would add a whole new angle to the game.

The main point is the gorilla is smart enough NOT to hurt people, so it'd be interesting to see how things played out, at least for a season. undoubtably the raiders would dominate, and personally, i dont have a problem w/ the raiders taking the title and having the monkey hold up the trophey at the end. that is the one superbowl i WOULD NOT MISS. they havent won a super bowl since the early eighties, 81 if google serves me right, so why not. the only thing i'd support more is letting the browns have the gorilla.


In the real world, if they did engineer this gorilla, this would never happen. but if i was the comissioner I would make it so.
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2007, 09:06 PM
 
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This is actually a difficult question. Should you be prejudice against a gorilla playing football? Where do you draw the line as to who you should allow to play and who not to allow? Should the line be drawn at humans only? Should the line be drawn at primates because there is the possibility we came from primates? But at the same time, you don't want to make a mockery of the sport. If you go to far, then it might as well be a simple entertainment show, rather than a sport. You also don't want to hold anyone back that has the heart and the skill to truly play the game well. It's not about whether or not to let him play for the Raiders, it's whether or not to let him play the game. There are more factors that I think would need to be considered. I'll give it some more thought then reply with my final answer (without looking at anyone else's).
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2007, 09:08 PM Thread Starter
 
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atta boy!


(go raiders)
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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2007, 09:10 PM
 
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Why the Raiders?
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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-30-2007, 12:19 AM
 
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Personally, I prefer a field goal kicking mule.

OBTW, this isn't a hypothetical question. The Raiders did have a gorilla playing for them in the 70's. His name was Alzado, and he was pretty good, albeit with the help of roids.
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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-30-2007, 03:25 AM
 
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I say no.

First You said he has
Quote:
a vague sense of self awareness
meaning to me that he VAGUELY know's his strength. and at our most basic instincts we get agressive especially in football... imagine if he got upset at a call or a cheap hit? not good.

Second and most importantly to me... it would most definatly promote the genetic altering of other animals... and HUMANS to compete in sports...

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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-30-2007, 05:20 AM
 
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What is this "Mighty joe young"??? and thats proly the only thing that could save the raiders now..
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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-30-2007, 09:08 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuckademus View Post
Seriously though, of course not!

Firsty, he's genetically modified. OK, in this instance he's genetically modified for extra intelligence, not extra strength, but once you open that floodgate, there's no going back.

Secondly, Football, as with most other sports, is supposed to be a contest between Humans (or at least within a single species).

Thirdly the risk! While the gorilla may state that he'll never intentionally hurt another player, Players get hurt all the time as it is now. All professional players are atheletes, competing with the best in their sport. It's unreasonable to think that if you suddenly widen to a large extent the variation between levels of strength,there wouldn't be consequences. Injuries will happen, more frequently and more seriously.
You summed up every initial idea I'd come up with (and said it better than I would have) so no need for me to repeat you.
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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-30-2007, 09:50 AM
 
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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-30-2007, 12:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NONE_too_SOFT View Post
Well the last one went well... I'd have to say more people enjoy this than loath it so i will continue with the series for now. here goes number four, this one is a bit silly.
I really do enjoy these overall... It was the commentary on that last one that SUCKED.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuckademus View Post
Don't they have them playing already??

Seriously though, of course not!

Firsty, he's genetically modified. OK, in this instance he's genetically modified for extra intelligence, not extra strength, but once you open that floodgate, there's no going back.

Secondly, Football, as with most other sports, is supposed to be a contest between Humans (or at least within a single species). For example, why couldn't you let a Cheetah enter Horse racing? Aside from the fact that one couldn't carry a jockey, and would probably attack it's competitors, it would be much faster. We've always known that the animal kingdom is more adapted to thier environment than humans, and we as humans have attempted (poorly) to emulate thier abilities. Develop a super-intelligent seal, and there's your next world swimming champion, until someone develops a super-intelligent Penguin!

Thirdly the risk! While the gorilla may state that he'll never intentionally hurt another player, Players get hurt all the time as it is now. All professional players are atheletes, competing with the best in their sport. It's unreasonable to think that if you suddenly widen to a large extent the variation between levels of strength,there wouldn't be consequences. Injuries will happen, more frequently and more seriously. Imagine having a team of Pee-Wee Hermans, playing a team of Pee-Wee Hermans, but one team's got a current NFL linebacker. Are we getting an image now?

Steer the Gorilla towards Professional Wresting. He'll feel much more at home, the risk to humans will be less, and he'll be competing agains his own kind!
That's pretty much EXACTLY what I was thinking... Well, except for the fact that if I were the NFL commissioner, I'd put some money into this genetic engineering program to create more super-gorillas to start the GFL... Gorilla Football League... Then I'd juice them all up on roids and build a thunderdome for them to play in... It would be totally sweet.
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-30-2007, 04:08 PM Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onesickpsycho View Post
I really do enjoy these overall... It was the commentary on that last one that SUCKED.



That's pretty much EXACTLY what I was thinking... Well, except for the fact that if I were the NFL commissioner, I'd put some money into this genetic engineering program to create more super-gorillas to start the GFL... Gorilla Football League... Then I'd juice them all up on roids and build a thunderdome for them to play in... It would be totally sweet.
okay, hex my first post, that is a great idea. why have gorillas versus man when you can have gorillas versus gorillas. and have an alstar game at the end of the season!
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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-30-2007, 04:10 PM Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by 1BadCBR View Post
then dont contribute with misspelled images.
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-30-2007, 04:13 PM
 
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the gorilla first needs to aquire a U.S. citizenship and an SS card. i'll treat this like another illegal taking benifits away from americans.

-a|ex

wouldn't it be called beastiality if he does the cheerleader?
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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-30-2007, 04:16 PM Thread Starter
 
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ummm for the girl... to him it would be humanality.
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