The Men Club Commandments - TwoWheelForum: Motorcycle and Sportbike forums
 
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 08-25-2005, 11:55 AM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,845
The Men Club Commandments

>The Men Club Commandments
>The 36 rules to being a 'Man' !!! Caution, may offend some...
>
>1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:
>
>- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
>- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
>- After wrecking your boss' car.
>- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
>- If she is using her teeth.
>
>2.) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
>killed and eaten by his friends.
>
>3.) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
>out of jail within 12 hours.
>
>4.) If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
>limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
>
>5.) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is
>forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
>
>6.) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
>Man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly
>optional.
>
>7.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
>weakest.
>
>8.) When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may
>ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
>playing.
>
>9.) It is permissible to drink a fruity alco-pop drink with a little
>umbrella in it, but only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and
>it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
>
>10.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
>to kick another Man in the nuts.
>
>11.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>
>12.) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
>
>13.) If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
>anything.
>
>14.) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
>spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
>drink as much as the other sports watchers.
>
>15.) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
>remain sober enough to fight.
>
>16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
>pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
>
>17.) If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
>about his choice of beer.
>
>18.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
>yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
>
>19.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting
>weights:
>- Yeah, Baby, Push it!
>- C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
>- Another set and we can hit the showers!
>
>20.) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
>i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
>situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
>need.
>
>21.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
>than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
>Hang up if necessary.
>
>22.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
>have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
>guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about
>what a big mistake it was.
>
>23.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's
>Gymnastics. Ever.
>
>24.) When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother,
>father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need
>not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his
>whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence. If it's his
>Cuban cigar supplier, have her put him through right away...
>
>25.) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent
>without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to
>call 'BULL****!'.
>Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration
>rate rises to 400 percent.
>
>26.) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
>running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10
>minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe
>scale.
>
>27.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy
>is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried
>away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal
>is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
>
>28.) Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his
>permission and he in return is required to grant it.
>
>29.) The universal compensation for buddies who help you move... is
>beer.
>
>30.) When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney
>friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll
>be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about
>joining the priesthood.
>
>31.) If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you
>must jump into the fight.
>Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to
>think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.", then you may sit
>back and enjoy.
>
>32.) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may
>not join him...too much camaraderie is a dangerous thing.
>
>33.) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, especially
>when golfing.
>
>34.) When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a
>manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.
>
>35.) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must
>attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in
>the eye, and deliver a clear & sound "PISS OFF!" You are absolved of
>your of responsibility.
>
>36.) Never, EVER "slap" or "smack" another Man. Ever!
>
>Argument with these rules instantly revokes your identity as a man.
>You're no longer a man and you're out of the man club.
Mudpuppy is offline  
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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 08-25-2005, 01:05 PM
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 80
Absolutely true I to those new commendements ....... thinking about it to agree too much with another guy may look suspicious (make it rule #37)
Windigo is offline  
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