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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
>1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and
>get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the
>reception was excellent.
>
>2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says,
>"I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you
>sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
>positive..."
>
>3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
>says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
>
>4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a
>salted.
>
>5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender
>says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
>
>6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
>
>7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
>under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one
>for the road."
>
>8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says
>to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
>
>9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green
>Grass of Home'" "That sounds like Tom Jones
>Syndrome." "Is it common?" Doc says "It's Not
>Unusual."
>
>10. Two cows standing next to each other in a
>field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially
>inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
>said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed
>Daisy.
>
>11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
>The kids were nothing to look at either.
>
>12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and
>says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you
>can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's
>have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and
>examines his eyes, then checks his teeth
>Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him
>down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No,
>because he's really heavy."
>
>13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
>other day but I couldn't find any.
>
>14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I
>bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat
>off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
>too high."
>
>15 . I went to a seafood disco last week... and
>pulled a mussel.
>
>16 . What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>
>17 . Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is
>the bar tender here?"
 

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A string walks into a bar and orders a drink, but the bartender tells him they don't serve strings. So the string goes outside, ties himself into a knot and frays his ends. He walks back into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him for a few seconds and asks, "Aren't you that string that was just in here a minute ago?" The string looks at him and replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot".
 

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LOL :lol: :lol: :lol: All funny. :dthumb:
 

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Sweet! Ya need to read em in that Steven Wright kind of monotone voice. I could totally picture this as his act!
 
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