['73 H1 Triple]

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell, and the owner tells him
the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting
there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk
when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government;
so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting
from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders,
because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of
their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't
getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a
job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly
wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some
incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got
married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants
for the dog.

"Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a damn liar. He didn't do any of that crap."
:rofl3:


:seeya: Jeff

 

[bumblebee]

A guy and his talking dog, Rover, went to a bar.

The bartender says, "We don't allow dogs in here."

The guy says, "You don't understand, my dog talks."

The bartender says "Prove it and I'll let him stay."

The guy says, "O.K., Rover, tell the bartender you want a beer."

Rover says, "I want a beer."

The bartender says, "No way, you must be a ventriloquist."

The guy says, "All right, I'll go to the bathroom and you ask him."

The bartender says, "Well, what can I get you?" Rover replies, "I want a beer."

The bartender can't believe it. He reaches in his wallet, pulls out a ten-dollar bill and tells Rover, "It's yours if you go to the bar across the street and say the same thing."

The guy comes out of the bathroom and can't believe his dog is gone. He says, "What have you done with my dog?"

The bartender says "Don't worry, I sent him across the street to the other bar."

Furious, the guy runs out of the bar to see Rover having sex with a sexy poodle on the street corner.

The guy says, "Rover, Rover! What are you doing? I've never seen you do this before."

Rover says, "I've never had ten bucks before!"

 

[bumblebee]

A number of racehorses are in a stable.

One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 16 races, I've won eight of them!"

Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20!"

"Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been eavesdropping.

"I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89 of them!"

The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a
hushed silence. "A talking dog."

 

[Gazzer-C]

undefinedA few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen." :dthumb: undefined

 

[Ace]

But dont these belong in the Joke thread? :bash:

 

[bumblebee]

But dont these belong in the Joke thread? :bash:

I thought this thread was a joke...What are you now?...a mod in training??? :neen: :neen:

 

[Ace]

I thought this thread was a joke...What are you now?...a mod in training??? :neen: :neen:

:lol: :lol: :lol: Can you only imagine this place with me as a mod??? :lol: :lol: :lol: :willy:

 

[bumblebee]

:lol: :lol: :lol: Can you only imagine this place with me as a mod??? :lol: :lol: :lol: :willy:

I think if you go for it...I'm calling Simpson for some flame retardant undies... :dthumb: