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· Registered
1,145 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey guys! I thought this was funny, but so damn true.. :lol:

To all my friends and family:

Thank you for making me safe, secure, blessed,
and wealthy by sending me your chain letters over
the last year.

Because of your concern:

I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the
people who make these products are atheists who
refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I
will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave
because it causes cancer.

I no longer go to movies because I could sit on a
needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
because I could get pricked with a needle infected
with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even
though I smell like a wet dog on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx
since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French
and don't support our American troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will
ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will
get the phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the
estrogen's they contain will turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or

I no longer look at the opposite sex because they
will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in
a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer have a cell phone but that will
change once I receive my new Ericcson phone.

I no longer have any sneakers but that will
change once I receive my free replacement pair from

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman
Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out for me.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to
a sick girl about to die in the hospital for the
1,000th time.

I no longer have any money but that will change
once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL
are sending me since I participated in their
special e-mail program.

I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for
looking out for me!

Now if you DON'T send this e-mail to at least
1200 people in the next 60 seconds a large bird
with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm.

· Registered
4,338 Posts
yeah, it's kind of sad, but I delete every e-mail without reading it if it was forwarded to me from my grandma. She ALWAYS sends that crap. If she needs something, the email is an original, so I will read those. But the ones that say fwd will ALWAYS get deleted without being read.

· Registered
9,257 Posts
:rofl: :lol:

I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even
though I smell like a wet dog on a hot day.

Dude, those are hysterical...but its amazing how many people actually take much of that to heart...gimme a break. if thats the case, you better not even get outta bed in the morning for fear you stub your toe, its gets infected and you die!!!! :flush:
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