Jokes to offend everyone...

> > > What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
> > >
> > > Juan on Juan.
> > >
> > >
> > > What is a Yankee?
> > >
> > > The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
> > >
> > >
> > > What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
> > >
> > > The position of the dirt bag.
> > >
> > >
> > > Why is divorce so expensive?
> > >
> > > Because it's worth it.
> > >
> > >
> > > What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
> > >
> > > One US leader.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
> > >
> > > Doughnuts.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Why is air a lot like sex?
> > >
> > > Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
> > >
> > > Because Janet Reno is her real father.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a
room
> > > together?
> > >
> > > 100 people who don't do dick.
> > >
> > >
> > > What do you call a smart blonde?
> > >
> > > A golden retriever.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What do attorneys use for birth control?
> > >
> > > Their personalities.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
> > >
> > > 45 lbs.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
> > >
> > > 45 minutes.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
> > >
> > > Through his chest with a sharp knife.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Why do men want to marry virgins?
> > >
> > > They can't stand criticism.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
> > caring,
and
> > > good-looking?
> > >
> > > Because those men already have boyfriends.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
> > >
> > > After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> > >
> > > The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
> > > driving.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who
> > has
the
> > > biggest boobs?
> > >
> > > The blonde, because she's 18.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
> > >
> > > Because they have cotton balls.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
> > >
> > > A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
> > >
> > > Are you sure it's mine?"
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
> > >
> > > Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> > >
> > > Mace will do that to you.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
> > >
> > > Breasts don't have eyes.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
> > >
> > > He walks around saying "Yo."
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Why do drivers' education classes in ******* schools use the car
only on
> > > Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
> > >
> > > Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
> > >
> > >
> > > What's the Cuban National Anthem?
> > >
> > > "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
> > >
> > > A different bar.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
> > the
other?
> > >
> > > A speech impediment.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast?
> > >
> > > They're hiring.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
> > >
> > > A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of
> > the
cage
> > > along with a recipe.
> > >
> > >
> > > How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
> > >
> > > Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
> > > fairytale?
> > >
> >
> > > A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
> > >
> > > A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this
> > ****..."