Lighten the mood

To help the politics melt away (and I'm sooo guilty), how about some amusing little jokes.

So the conducter is sick and needs to take 3 months off. They get one of the viola players to come up to the front of the orchestra, and he takes the job of acting conductor. After three months as acting conductor, the conductor comes back and the viola player returns to the viola section. His neighbour looks at him and says "Where have you been for the past three months?"

There are apparently a lot of violist jokes.
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Three girls were talking about kissing their musician boyfriends. One said, "My boyfriend is a trumpet player. He's okay, but he puckers up and pushes too hard." The second said, "My boyfriend is a tuba player. He's okay, but his lips are too loose and he slobbers all over me!" The last one said, "My boyfriend is a French horn player. He's great, but I don't like what he does with his hand."