The Official Bumblebee Joke Thread.

13783 Views 228 Replies 27 Participants Last post by 99birdv6, May 18, 2006

bumblebee

Discussion Starter · Dec 12, 2004

After Sunday Morning Coffee

There’s an Irishman, an Englishman and a beautiful girl sitting next to each other, girl in the middle, in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!
The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Irishman are sitting there looking perplexed. The Englishman is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap.
The Englishman is thinking “Damn it, that Irishman must have tried to kiss the girl, she thought it was me and slapped me.”
The girl is thinking, “That Englishman must have moved to kiss me, and kissed the Irishman instead and got slapped.”
The Irishman is thinking, “If this train goes through another tunnel, I can make another kissing sound and slap that Englishman again.”

21 - 40 of 229 Posts

bumblebee

Discussion Starter · #21 · Dec 17, 2004

Are you an Optimist or a Pessimist?

Two friends, one an Optimist and the other a Pessimist, could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the Optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his friend out of his continual Pessimistic thinking.
The Optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the Pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat.
They got out into the middle of the lake, and the Optimist brought down a duck. The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat.
The Optimist looked at his Pessimistic friend and said, “What do you think about that?”
The Pessimist replied, “That dog can’t swim, can he?”

bumblebee

Discussion Starter · #22 · Dec 17, 2004

World War III

Bush and Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn’t that Bush and Powell?”
The barman says, “Yep, that’s them.”
So the guy walks over and says, “Hello. What are you guys doing?”
Bush replies, “We’re planning World War III.”
The guy asks, “Really? What’s going to happen?”
Bush says, “Well, we’re going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman.”
The guy exclaims, “Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?”
Bush turns to Powell and says, “See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Afghans.”

Need4Speed

· #23 · Dec 17, 2004

bumblebee said:
Bush and Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn’t that Bush and Powell?”
The barman says, “Yep, that’s them.”
So the guy walks over and says, “Hello. What are you guys doing?”
Bush replies, “We’re planning World War III.”
The guy asks, “Really? What’s going to happen?”
Bush says, “Well, we’re going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman.”
The guy exclaims, “Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?”
Bush turns to Powell and says, “See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Afghans.”

what site do you get these from..or do you do standup, on the side?!! :lol:

bumblebee

Discussion Starter · #24 · Dec 17, 2004

I just :jacked: Pippi's Blonde joke thread and posted a few over there :dthumb: Go check those out :lol:

bumblebee

Discussion Starter · #25 · Dec 17, 2004

the flasher

Did you hear about the flasher who came out of retirement?

He decided he could stick it out for another year

bumblebee

Discussion Starter · #26 · Dec 18, 2004

LAPD Vs. FBI Vs. CIA

Hey Now, If y'all are not going to post up and give me some feedback, I going to stop posting these

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn most of the forest, killing almost everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay, okay, I’m a rabbit, I’m a rabbit.”

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bumblebee

Discussion Starter · #27 · Dec 18, 2004

After a night of drinking...

One night, after a long evening of drinking, Jim was thrown out of the bar as usual. On his way home, he spotted a nun walking down the road. After looking at her for a moment, he ran over, tackled her and proceeded to beat her up. Some people passing by spotted this and called the police. As the police were pulling him away in handcuffs he looked back and said, "Hell, I thought you'd be tougher than that, Batman."

bumblebee

Discussion Starter · #28 · Dec 18, 2004

Minister and the Marine

A minister was seated next to a marine on a flight. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The marine asked for a whiskey and soda, which the flight attendant brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely groped by brazen harlots than let liquor touch my lips." The marine then handed his drink back to the flight attendant and said, "Me, too. I didn't know we had a choice."

3BoyzNaBike

· #29 · Dec 18, 2004

We are all reading and enjoying all of your joke post. Keep them up Bee. :dthumb:

GSXR1000DJ

· #30 · Dec 18, 2004

Yeah Bee...we are all here for you reading all your great jokes. Keep them coming.

bumblebee

Discussion Starter · #31 · Dec 18, 2004

For more than an hour, a man sat at a bar staring into his glass. Suddenly a burly truck driver sat down next to him, grabbed the guy's drink and gulped it down. The poor fellow burst into tears. "Oh, come on, pal," the truck driver said. "I was just joking. Here I'll buy you another one." "No, that's not it," the man blubbered. "This has been the worst day of my entire life. This morning I was late for work and ended up getting fired. When I left the office I found my car had been stolen, so I had to walk 10 miles to get home. Then I walked in and found my wife with another man, so I came here. And just when I'm about to end it all, you show up and drink my poison!"

bumblebee

Discussion Starter · #32 · Dec 18, 2004

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s. "May I help you?" she asked. "I want to see Natalie," the man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam. "No, I must see Natalie," was the man's reply. Just then, Natalie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out one thousand dollars, gave it to Natalie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left. The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row because of the high price. Again, the man pulled out a thousand dollars, gave it to Natalie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left. The following night, the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had stopped in for the third consecutive night, but he paid Natalie and they went upstairs. After their session, Natalie questioned the man. "No one has ever hired me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked. The man replied, "South Carolina." "Really," she said. "I have family in South Carolina." "I know," the man said. "Your father died and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."

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GSXR1000DJ

· #33 · Dec 18, 2004

Good ones Bee. Keep them coming for us. :dthumb:

bumblebee

Discussion Starter · #34 · Dec 18, 2004

OK, I only have time for two so here is the first

A man came home from work sporting two black eyes. "What happened to you?" asked his wife. "I'll never understand women," he replied. "I was riding up in an escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her behind, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me in the eye!" "I can certainly appreciate that," said the wife, "But how did you get the second black eye?" "Well, I figured she liked it that way," said the husband, "So I pushed it back in."

bumblebee

Discussion Starter · #35 · Dec 18, 2004

....And here is the other one...

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get frisky?" The other replies, "Oh, sure I do." The first woman asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

Rodogg04

· #36 · Dec 20, 2004

laughter is the best medicine thanks Bee!!! i almost OD'ed

fatburg

· #37 · Dec 20, 2004

Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. :nonod:

2Fast4U

· #38 · Dec 20, 2004

fatburg said:
Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. :nonod:

That was really bad fatburg!! :lol:

Rodogg04

· #39 · Dec 21, 2004

do i hear a motion to stone fatburg???

CrunchieJD

· #40 · Dec 21, 2004

Rodogg04 said:
do i hear a motion to stone fatburg???

Aye! :here:

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