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Smart-A$$ Answer #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir,
I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Smart-A$$ Answer #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a butcher, "Do these
turkeys get any bigger?" The butcher replied, "No, ma'am, they're dead."

Smart-A$$ Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The
kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop
finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart-A$$ Answer #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads
Low bridge ahead'. Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and
he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a
police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the
truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The
truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Smart-Ass Answer #1
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, Class,
I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a
death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!" A smart-a$$ guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete
and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle
their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher
smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
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