From an email I received...
Things only a police officer would say:
"The answer to this last question will determine
whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat
or a dog?"
"Fair?! You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a
place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy,
and step in monkey-poop."
"No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to
have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many
tickets as we want."
"I know, I know! Your kid is an honor student at the
juvenile detention center."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good
personal friend of yours. At least you know someone
who can post your bail."
"No, I don't believe they should use the electric
chair; I think they need to use electric bleachers."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife
gets a toaster oven."
"Life's tough; it's tougher if you're stupid."
"In God we trust; all others are suspects."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"Your life is not my fault."
"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?"
"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess
that means I can write anything I want on the ticket,
"Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I
don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I AM
the shift supervisor?"
"Warning?! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you
not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."